


They Don't Know You (and neither do i)

by franticatlantic



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Non-binary character, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-03 08:31:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8705164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/franticatlantic/pseuds/franticatlantic
Summary: "What should I call you?""Um. Josh. Oh. I guess...they? Or them? Something like that.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> an [anon](http://vintagetyler.tumblr.com/post/153855887293/ohh-good-im-glad-the-ask-never-went-thru-i) on tumblr wanted nb!josh so here ya go!
> 
> title is from the song 'kitchen sink' by twenty one pilots.

Josh slides the door to the van open with a sigh, climbs in and lays down in the back. The roof of the van, a rental from some cheap place in Columbus, is stained. They fold their hands over their stomach and sigh once more.

That’s where Tyler finds them an hour later, hands still folded, eyes still locked on that mysterious stain on the roof of the van. The door slides open with a thunk. “Josh?”

They clear their throat. “Back here.”

Tyler joins them with a high-pitched laugh, nestled down beside Josh and throwing an arm over their middle. “Why you hiding, dude?”

Josh closes their eyes and tells themselves it’s just a name. That they can’t rightly be mad at Tyler because Tyler doesn’t know. Because Josh hasn’t told anyone. “I’m, uh…just thinking.”

“About?” Tyler cajoles, and Josh feels a tug on their middle. “C’mon, man, spit it out.”

“Don’t call me that.”

Tyler’s head, previously pillowed comfortably on Josh’s shoulder, rises slowly. “Call you what? Man?”

“Yes, I’m-“ They stop, tongue feeling heavy and awkward in their mouth, slip sliding over teeth made of metal. “Nothing.”

“No, tell me.” Tyler’s voice is hard now, the arm around Josh’s waist more insistent. “Please? Or I’ll make Mark wring it out of you…tell me?”

Josh shakes their head because they just _did_.

There’s a sigh and a heavy weight shifting over Josh as Tyler moves to straddle their hips, hands careful on Josh’s chest. “Do you…did you wanna…be a girl?”

Another shake of the head.

“Did you want-“

“Stop.”

Tyler will never guess.

“Did you want me to leave?” Tyler asks, quickly, like he knows Josh won’t give him the chance if he doesn’t.

“No.” Josh sits up, wiggles back against the seats, taking Tyler with them. Their hands go to Tyler’s waist, just under the hem of his red shirt. “Please don’t leave.”

Tyler chews on the inside of his cheek, a blunt thumb pressing down into the crook of Josh’s elbow. “Then tell me. Please.”

“I did,” Josh mutters, and Tyler frowns. “I told you…nothing. That’s what I am.”

“Don’t say that.” Tyler leans forward, cups Josh’s jaw in both hands, but Josh smiles and pushes his hands away by his wrists.

“I don’t mean ‘nothing’ as in some existential crisis ‘I mean nothing,’ ‘I’m worthless’ kinda way.” Even though both they and Tyler have had those sorts of thoughts before. “I mean…I’m not anything. Boy or girl, I’m just _not_.”

It’s hard for them to admit this, something they’ve been grappling with for so long. But Tyler has always been here for them so if he turns his back Josh knows never to tell anyone else ever again. They can deal with being called a boy for the rest of their life, just as long as they won’t be bullied again like they were in high school.

But Tyler doesn’t turn his back. He tilts his head and shifts and the yellow star on his shirt glares in the light streaming through the window. “Can you, um…explain? I’m sorry if that sounds shitty, but I don’t understand. And I want to.”

Josh sighs because they really can’t. They’ve spent enough time with this inside their own head and still don’t completely understand it. There’s no way they can accurately and efficiently put it into words, not even for Tyler. Who has always had the time to listen. Or at least made time. For Josh.

“I - I don’t…I don’t feel like a boy. And I don’t feel like a girl. I feel like neither, somewhere in between or other. I don’t know how that can be, how I can feel like that. I just do. And I can’t explain it any better than that and I’m sorry-“

“You don’t have to be sorry.” Tyler pushes himself closer by his toes, knees now bracketing Josh’s hips. His hands are warm and heavy on Josh’s shoulders. “If you don’t feel like a boy, then you aren’t. If you don’t feel like a girl, then you aren’t. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone but you.”

“But it _doesn’t_ make sense to me. I mean, I’ve been thinking about this for a while, trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me and-“

“Nothing. Nothing is wrong with you.” Tyler skims a finger down Josh’s neck. “I’m just sad I didn’t know sooner. I kept calling you he and dude and all that.”

“You didn’t know. Hell, I didn’t know until recently. And I don’t mind being called dude or bro or anything, I just. The interview.”

“The one this morning?”

Josh nods. “It was so obvious the interviewer forgot my name and he kept calling me he and him and I just…it’s hard. Because in some ways I feel like being trans would be easier, that people would be able to understand because for so many people there are only two genders. And I’m not either.”

Tyler’s chewing on his cheek again, still brushing his thumb against Josh’s neck. “I think I get it. So, let’s say there are more than two genders. And somewhere in these other genders is no gender. That’s you. That makes it easier, right?”

“I…I think so.”

“So.” Tyler’s lips stretch into one of his soft smiles. “What should I call you?”

“Um. Josh.”

Tyler laughs, though not unkindly. He kisses Josh’s temple.

“Oh.” Josh blushes, realizing Tyler understands what’s going on better than they do. “I guess…they? Or them? Something like that.”

“Okay.” Another kiss, this one to Josh’s cheek. And another to their jaw, then to their chin, their lips, the point of their nose.

They think about telling Tyler not to tell anyone else, that if they’re around other people he can call Josh whatever he wants. Because they know not everyone will be as accepting as Tyler is (they never are). And because they know Tyler would help them hide if they really wanted to.

But they don't tell Tyler anything, just wait for him to be done kissing Josh everywhere he can reach. “Hey. If someone ever forgets your name during an interview again, point it out? I’ll beat ‘em up.”

Josh chuckles, hands fanning out over the back of Tyler’s shirt. “Feisty.”

“For you.”

Outside, a shadow cuts the sunlight off momentarily and then the door is sliding open again and Mark is scoffing. “Jesus, can’t you two keep your hands to yourselves for like, two minutes?”

“No,” Tyler hums, and kisses Josh again.

**Author's Note:**

> i have [tumblr](http://vintagetyler.tumblr.com/).


End file.
